Little Kids Are Stoopid

I'm laughing my ass off right now, to be honest. I crack up every time I think about it.

Right. I'm in a high school that is grades 7 - 12. I am an upperclassmen, so I'm not what I remember my World History teacher calls whale dung. I still prefer that you guys don't know my exact age, just know I'm not a senior or a little kid.

So, my best friend from the Clarinetland (I'm from the land of the Coral Reef Gang - the piccolo section. Long story from another blog post a while back) gets a text.

It reads this:

Hey this is Bryon do you wanna have sex?

And a picture of a condom is attached (She deleted the text, so I have no exact picture. Use your imaginations. You're big kids now).

Vicky (she already told me it's okay to use her actual name now) responds, after thinking for a while:

I'm sorry, who?

She gets a message back not too long after:

Bryon *******

(******* is such an interesting last name, isn't it? Yes, if you go kill the little creep, I will feel bad. So no last names for you!)

And so she responds:

Um okay. No idea who you are.

In the meantime, she got me to use facebook to see if I could figure out who this kid was. Because I was at her house at the time. So it comes up, and I just kind of look over his page (stalker? moi? nahhh.) and I see he's dating some eighth grader from Saxophone land. So I text the saxophone section leader, because I already know she'd know who he was, and she says he's a seventh grader.

That's right. This is a twelve or thirteen year old, asking Vicky to have sex with him.

Her exact words were: Holy Motherfucking Jesus.

Sometime after I tell her this, she gets another text from this kid who she's never given her number to.

Well, okay then. Can I just give you a hickey?

We shared a weird look over this one. Neither of us actually knew who this kid was. Or why he wanted to stalk Vicky that bad.

No, dude. Find someone your own age.

Then there was this:

But you're so much hotter than them. Can you at least give me a blowjob then?

Then:

Jesus Christ. Listen. I have no fucking idea who you are, and I suggest you leave me alone right now or I will have all of the hell my friends are capable of producing raining down on you every single fucking day I even see you. And I'm sure your girlfriend will love to here about this too. LEAVE ME THE HELL ALONE.

That shut 'im up. She did tell his girlfriend then, too. Like a tattling second grader. 'Twas very amusing.

~Glad-that-she-has-the-friends-she-does KK, Somewhere, USA.