How to be a Rockstar: KK Style

So, I went to a concert last night. Not for a band I like, but for one my parents do. So, needless to say, there were a lot of old people there. Not, like forty-year-olds (though there were quite a few of them) but, like, eighty-something people.
I mean, the whole place reeked of cigarettes and old people. Ew.

But, I think I picked up a couple tips of how I'm going to skyrocket into instant stardom as a rockstar as a singer. (Not)

1. Be sure to have lots of flashing lights so as to blind the people watching so they don't see either that you're lip syncing or how sweaty and disgusting you are.


2. Have the bass turned way up so that it pounds the ground underneath the stage so your fans can feel it through their shoes so it can make its way into their souls.


3. Have the "Background" instruments (keyboard, guitar, drums, bass) turned up louder than your microphone so the audience can't hear any slip-ups with words, notes, or harmony.


4. When you can't breathe or your voice is tired, it's perfectly acceptable to just turn the mic to the audience so they can sing instead of hearing you, like they came to.


5. Randomly talk inbetween songs.


6. Make sure that behind you, screens are showing various designs, so as to hypnotize your audience into such a state that they're not even hearing the song anymore.


7. Be sure to have the lights/lasers going over the crowd bright enough so those with ADD (much like myself) are able to people-watch, completely oblivious to what's going on onstage.


8. It doesn't matter that the music you're playing is way beyond its glory days, these people still want to hear you "ROOOOOOCCCCCKKKK!".


9. Be sure to say the state and town that the concert's in many times throughout the concert - we don't want these people to forget where they are


10. Be sure that those who aren't standing in the crowd feel bad, even if they are ninety. They came to rock, so stand they should!

Sorry. I'm probably mean, but I'm quite sick of seeing spots in front of my eyes from those lights.

So, I have a couple unrelated things/questions:

Blogger won't let me comment on other blogs, so if I follow you, trust that I'm reading, as I'm unable to comment.
Should I make more things like this? I kind of enjoyed making it.

~Ready to be a Rockstar KK, Somewhere, USA.